flight to amsterdam

february 13



2:37 (mn time)-board plane to amsterdam



2:39-am smashed in face by 40 lb carry on as i attempt to shove it in overhead compartment.



2:40-take seat directly next to bathroom. should smell pleasant after 8 hours.



2:42-seatmate arrives decked out in denim shirt, khaki carharrts and a camo hat/workboots. reeks of booze and cigarettes and apparently has yet to discover the miracle of deodorant. suppress urge to vomit. commence mouth breathing. inexplicably decide to start mentally refering to him as 'banjo.'



2:44-banjo calls wife or girlfriend



2:45-banjo and girl start fighting



2:47-banjo drops the f bomb loudly enough for half the plane to hear.



2:50-banjo and girl begin having phone sex. "baby, you know i love that thing you do with your tongue. i wish i was there right now. i'd let you do whatever you wanted to me."



3:10-banjo and girl are still chatting, despite flight attendant's request to turn off phones. decide that if plane goes down due to banjo's lack of cooperation, he will be receiving a swift punch in the sexing mouth, delivered by yours truly.



4:00-take 2 dramamine.



4:04-am startled out of my drug induced slumber by... wtf? is that cher? turns out banjo doesn't believe in actually wearing headphones on his ears. instead, he wears them around his neck and blasts the volume.



4:06-decide to try out in flight entertainment system. unable to work remote.



4:09-decide i am too technologically retarded to get movie to play. plus, banjo is beginning to smirk. give up and put on ipod.



5:00-banjo falls asleep and misses drink cart. proceeds to lean over me and glance down the aisle 6-7 rows prematurely to insure he never again misses food or drink for duration of flight.



5:20-dinner is served. turn off ipod to conserve batteries. notice banjo has segued from cher to heavy metal. begin contemplating strangling myself with the rubber posing as chicken currently residing on my tray table.



8:47-woman with huge butt and black leather fanny pack farts 2 inches from my face while waiting in line for the bathroom. begin wondering if i died without realizing it and ended up in hell.



10:11-banjo finally goes to bathroom. ah, fresh air. quick! try to figure out in flight entertainment before banjo returns to continue laughing at me.



10:15-VICTORY! turns out i wasn't pressing the buttons hard enough. watch secret life of bees.







2nd flight uneventful. arrived at kilimanjaro with no sleep. waited in line for visa for 35 minutes. discovered that because i'm so short and couldn't see the signs, that i was in wrong line. waited in correct line for 45 minutes more. got stopped in customs because i look so sketchy. couldn't find group at first because i didn't know what anyone looked like and they were on the lookout for a girl with really long hair (going off a facebook photo).