51.5. well, this could get interesting.

over the past few weeks, i've been piling all of the random stuff i need in alex's empty room. dive gear, 3 months of toiletries, medicines/first aid stuff, etc. today i decided it'd be a good idea to weigh all of it to get a benchmark on how much clothing i could bring. i am allowed to bring 44 lbs of stuff... that includes my carry on AND checked luggage. well, the weight of everything without clothing? 51.5 pounds. so basically i will be lucky if i can fit a spare pair of underwear in my bag. packing could be disastrous, let's be honest here.

in other news, something very exciting happened yesterday! i got into james cook university, located in cairns/townsville (there are two campuses) in australia :) i am still waiting to hear back from the university of queensland, the university of adelaide and flinders university. but regardless, i will be in australia studying marine biology for the next 3 years starting in july! it's extremely exciting and extremely nerve wracking. the next couple weeks are going to be just the start of a whole new adventure. hopefully i'll hear back from the other schools before i leave so i can leave without this huge decision up in the air. man, i am pumped. africa in 2 weeks for 3 months. home for a month and a half. australia for the next three years. it finally feels like everything is headed in the right direction. 

i also got the chance to hang out with my friend andrew yesterday. he and i graduated from ehs together and have known each other since... sixth? grade. he is one of the kindest, most loving, calming people i know and he's going to be in tanzania at the same time i am!! we'll both be in arusha, although he's going to be working with a different organization. he's flying there the day before i am and will be returning home midmarch. it's reassuring to know he'll be so close. i can't wait to experience this adventure with him!

overall, i am so excited for this upcoming season in my life. after spending the past 3 years jumping between schools and cities i'm not crazy about, it's nice to feel like everything may just work out after all. 

the neoprene death suit. aka the current bane of my existence.

my medications alone. this is why my suitcase is going to be severely overweight.

ps-i don't know what the heck is going on with the format of this blog. it keeps changing the size/color/font. hopefully i will get better at this. it is driving me insane!

no hiv for me!

yesterday i received the most wonderful package in the mail... sterile syringes! whoo. i feel a tad light headed being even remotely in proximity of them, but i suppose it's nice to know that i won't be stabbed with disease-ridden needles anytime soon.

i am really hoping and praying that i am challenged on this trip, but that God will help guide me through difficult situations with an open heart and mind. sometimes i think it's difficult to know how to respond to certain things and to really put yourself in the shoes of the people you're helping.

i've gotten the opportunity to go to el salvador twice on mission trips. my church here at home (upper room) sponsors a community in el salvador through an organization called world vision. specifically, i sponsor a little boy named francisco. the sponsorship provides them with things such as an education and medical care. on both trips, we've gotten to hang out with our kids for a couple hours at a fiesta. it's a big party with music, clowns, pizza and games. typically part of the family accompanies their child. this summer, francisco's entire family (dad, mom and little sister) came along.  

we had just finished playing soccer (and by playing soccer, i mean francisco spent most of the time laughing at my severe lack of skills) and eating pizza, when francisco's dad pulled out a crumped up piece of construction paper. because they speak spanish and my 5 years of middle school/high school latin has done me absolutely no good, world vision hires translators for us. he handed rollie, my translator, the paper and asked him to read it to me. the letter started out by thanking me and telling me how blessed they felt to have me be a part of their lives. then rollie started looking extremely uncomfortable as he continued reading. "we are about to lose our home within the next couple of weeks. the bank is taking it from us and we will not have anywhere to live. we will be on the streets. we know that you build houses on your trips, so we were wondering if you could come back soon and build us a house? we really need a place to live." 

well, obviously that isn't the easiest thing to respond to. i looked at rollie in complete shock and asked, "what the hell am i supposed to say to that???"

i think i somehow managed to stutter out an "i will try my best," knowing that it's not really a promise i could make. world vision decides who receives the houses and there are so many things that they take into consideration. i wanted to say, "how about i kidnap you guys and bring you to live with me in the united states?" but i figured that might be frowned upon. to make things worse, their daughter had an unbelievably bad cough... the kind that rattles your bones and comes from more than just a cold. because she isn't sponsored (although i'm working on that part), her family couldn't afford to take her to a doctor.

it was a heartbreaking situation and i know that there's much more where that came from, especially since i'll be with kids who have seen poverty and disease overwhelm their lives. the conditions some people are "living" in are appalling... even back here in the states. i suppose i can only pray that i'll do a sufficient job loving them, making them smile and pointing them in the right direction.

i realize that this was an exceptionally depressing post, so i am going to leave you with a heartwarming, very cute story.

at the end of the fiesta, francisco's mom started talking to rollie. rollie looked at me and said, "the family was wondering if you could send more pictures of yourself? every night before he goes to bed, francisco holds your picture and prays for you. it's so worn out though that they can hardly see you anymore." 

life is more than money. time was never money. time was never cash... life's more than fame and rock and roll and thrills. all the riches of the kings end up in wills. we got information in the information age but do we know what life is outside of our convenient lexus cages? --switchfoot

give me your eyes

well, i logged a solid 6 miles on the treadmill today. i was hoping to squeeze out a couple more miles, but it just wasn't happening. i think that has to do with the fact that i just get super bored staring at a cement wall after about 1.2 minutes. hopefully i'll able to bump up the running over the next couple weeks.

i'm too tired to really update tonight, so i'm just leaving some song lyrics by brandon heath that basically sum up what i'm hoping for on my trip: an open heart and the ability to adapt and love unconditionally.

lame post, i know.

give me your eyes for just one second. give me your eyes so i can see everything that i keep missing. give me your love for humanity. give me your arms for the broken hearted, ones that are far beyond my reach. give me your heart for the ones forgotten. give me your eyes so i can see. --brandon heath

smack that

well, i am starting to get a tad nervous about my trip. of course, i am worried about all of the stupid, little things. my mom is taking care of the big to-worry list.

ann's to-worry list:

-me getting rabies, hiv, malaria, parasites, etc.

-my liver and/or immune system shutting down as a side effect of my graves' disease meds

-me wandering the streets of madagascar alone, lost and looking for where i'm supposed to be (my sense of direction is a bit flawed)

-me getting eaten by a shark while scuba diving

-me drowning while scuba diving

-me not eating fruits or vegetables for 3 months

-me refusing to wear a (hideous) fanny pack and therefore being robbed

my to-worry list:

-not being fast enough to keep up with the kids

i have been running 3-4 times a week, but have been plagued by major shin splints. that being said, i have just started using kinesio tape and i LOVE it. for those of you who watched the olympics this summer, it's that blue/black stuff that covered kerri walsh's shoulder on the beach volleyball court. i ran yesterday for the first time with it and wasn't bothered by my shins ONCE... the day before i ran without it and could barely walk by the end. it's pretty much my new bff.

-not learning all of my fish species in time

for the madagascar trip, we have to learn a bunch of fish species and take practice tests online to both identify them and make sure we know how to do the research. true to form, i have yet to start studying.

-breaking a bone

this is my one legitimate fear. i tend to break, on average, a bone a year. i've broken 11 total, with the most recent being a tiny stress fracture in my leg last spring... which was a direct result of running too much too quickly. since my one year mark will be up while i'm gone, and i'll be running a lot, it's obviously a concern. i typically only drink 2 glasses of milk per year, but i've been trying to boost the calcium consumption over the past few weeks.

-packing

i was recently informed that all of my luggage (my checked and carry-on luggage combined) could weigh no more than 44 pounds. i am a chronic overpacker. a 3 day trip to the cabin is usually accompanied by a suitcase that could comfortably house a morbidly obese family of 5.  by the time you factor in all of the random things i need to bring for this trip... mosquito net, frickin neoprene deathsuit (as i have renamed my wetsuit), fins, snorkel, running clothes, 2 pound first aid kit (complete with my very own set of sterile syringes! yippee!), dive booties, approx. 6.3 billion different kinds of medicine, toiletries for 3 months, species guides and dive manuals, clothes for hot weather in tanzania and cold weather in madagascar... well, things should get interesting pretty quickly. it doesn't help that i am spatially challenged and my entire packing team (kirby and sarah... i can always count on them to come over the night before a trip as i panic and try to squeeze 9 years worth of clothing into a small duffel) currently resides in colorado. i wonder how many pairs of underwear and tshirts one could squeeze under a frickin neoprene deathsuit? i may be wearing every article of clothing as i fly.

-picking out songs

since i will also be helping with the choir in tanzania, i have to choose a few songs to bring to teach the kids. i emailed jenaya, the volunteer coordinator, and asked her what sort of songs she recommended. her response: "well, the kids need something easy, without a lot of difficult words. they really enjoy church music (gospel in particular). they also REALLY love akon." i can just see it now...

okay kids, after our akon song we're going to praise jesus. but first, let's sing smack that! all together now... "smack that, give me some more. smack that, 'til you get sore..."

*as a sidenote, my mom and i were searching online the other night for good "camp" songs. there are hundreds of websites dedicated to camp song lyrics. however, we managed to stumble upon a little gem on a boyscout website entitled "the scrotum song." i kid you not.*

of course, none of these things are actually that important and i am actually not that concerned about them. mainly i am just super excited to go! with no school, no job, no friends (as they're all back at school), and having finished my college apps (!!!!!!!!!!!!), i tend to just bum around and find things to worry about. when i take the time to step back, i sort of just laugh at my ridiculousness and realize how unbelievably lucky i am. cmonnnnnn africa! 

all she's ever felt is held back. she said, "it's kinda nice to hear myself laugh." she's gonna do a lot more of that. she's making plans and making tracks. she said, "ohh. i've got to go and find me." ohh, she found the strength to break free. --rascal flatts

"let me help you get the crotch in the right place"

one of the reasons i started this blog was entirely selfish- to be able to look back and remember everything about this adventure. i want to be able to remember the entire journey, including getting ready to leave. 

i feel as though i must share this story.

last week i went to the nearby SCUBA store to start getting all the supplies i need for madagascar. a kind, slightly elderly man helped me through the entire process, from a dive knife to new fins to a dive torch, dive watch, and dive slate. then came the wetsuit.

the five needles suddenly didn't seem so bad. the torture of shopping for jeans and bathing suits began to pale in comparison. nothing will ever compare to squeezing myself into a neoprene pudge-enhancer under fluorescent lights. 

since i'll be in madagascar during the slightly colder months, it's recommended that we have a 5 mm wetsuit. if you've never worn a full-length, 5 mm wetsuit before, let me break it down for you. your joints no longer bend like they're supposed to. your limbs stick straight out and induce, at best, a waddle when you attempt to move. despite the fact that they're predominantly black, they are far from slimming. those extra couple christmas cookies last month may as well be accompanied by a lighted, flashing sign. overall, not a pretty picture. especially when it comes along with the experience i had.

man: okay, let's move on to the wetsuit. i'm guessing you're a size 6?

me: (not even close. hm, would it offend him if i tell him how far off he is?) you know, i think i might need a slightly larger size.

man: i don't know, why don't you just try the 6 on first? i think it will be fine. now, here's the thing. the 5 mil wetsuits are a little tricky to get on. i'm assuming you didn't bring a bathing suit to try these on with, so i'm going to give you a lycra suit to wear underneath in case you get... stuck.

me: (what the heck is a lycra suit?) okay.

man: alright, go ahead and try these on. let me know if i can help you with anything.

me: (oh. wow, that lycra suit has STIRRUPS on the feet. well, at least my entire body will be covered in case i need to be peeled out of the wetsuit.) great, thanks.

*starts to attempt to put on the wetsuit*

hmm this is trickier than i thought it was going to be.

i am sweating more profusely than i have in my entire life.

is it supposed to be this difficult to get on?

i should have told that guy to come in and rescue me if i wasn't out of this dressing room in twenty minutes.

%$@*!

ahem. excuse me? i really think i need a larger size.

man: let me grab that for you.

*hands me a larger size.*

me: @&#*!&$*#(%&@*#&^@. this is still the most physically challenging process i've ever been through.

*walks out of dressing room.*

man: alright, let's check you out! hm. well, let me give you a tip: the most important part of putting on a wetsuit is getting the crotch in the right spot. it looks like the crotch of your wetsuit's riding a bit low. let me help you get the crotch in the right place. let's unzip you, pull the top off and then work the bottom half up a bit.

*proceeds to unzip the back of my wetsuit and peel the top half of my suit off.*

man: okay, now here's what we're going to do. i want you to turn around, and on the count of three, i'm going to grab the suit right above your bottom and pull up. 1... 2...

me: HOLY WEDGIE. is this legal?

man: ah, much better. see how the crotch is in the right place now? now, the knee pads are currently on your shins, so let's get those in the right place. i'm going to just pull the fabric up...

*proceeds to start yanking the fabric around the thighs up towards the now-properly-situated-crotch.*

me: yup. definitely questioning the legality of this endeavor. 

man: okay, perfect! now we'll do the top part.

*pulls the top up.*

man: see how the shoulders in the suit are pulling your shoulders down? you need to make sure that your dive buddy helps you get everything situated in the right spot. i'm going to grab the front part of your suit and pull up.

*grabs the suit directly over my boobs and gives it a giant heave ho.*

me: well, it's official. i'm just going to dive naked. i have a hard time believing the entire research team is going to wait an hour for my buddy to shoe horn me into this bad boy. ahem, looks great! thanks for the advice. i'll take it! okay i'm just going to hop waddle back into the dressing room...

t-minus 29 days

i have decided to start a travel blog. i won't always have access to my direct email account, so i thought this might be easier than carrying around everyone's email address :)

i cannot believe i'm leaving for AFRICA in under a month! things are finally coming together. i've booked my tickets and safari, done most of my shopping, and have (for the most part) figured out the projects i'll be working on.

i'm going to be in arusha, tanzania from february 14-march 31. while there, i'll be volunteering at a secondary school for aids orphans. i'll be starting up a cross country team and working with their choir, as well as doing a few little things here and there. i'm pretty much completely unqualified to do either project, but it'll be fun. i love running and i love singing... i'm just not entirely sure how to teach those things. hopefully the kids won't be too speedy, as i've let myself become quite the chubosaurus over the holiday season! i've been trying to log as many miles as possible and will continue doing so until i leave... thank goodness for treadmills. i'm not nearly brave enough to attempt a run in this -30 degree weather!

i'm going with an organization called peace house africa. i get to live on campus, eat with the kids, and basically just help around the school. i've spent the past six summers coaching tennis for kids ages 4-17 back here at home, so it will be fun to compare coaching kids in etown vs. coaching kids in africa! i can't wait to meet the kids and hear their stories. i'm also definitely looking forward to the three day safari... hope the animals/the people i'm going with won't mind if i sporadically break out in lion king medleys. the other cool thing i'll be doing while there is taking a group of kids to watch the mount kilimanjaro marathon and running the mount kilimanjaro 5k on march 1st. 

on march 31 i'll be heading over to madagascar until may 14. i fly into the capitol, then to a city closer to our site, and then take a 9-70 hour car ride to get to where we'll be staying. the length of the journey depends entirely on the weather, as most of the roads are unpaved. needless to say, i bought out walgreens' supply of dramamine (no joke, i actually bought EVERY single package they had). we are pretty much in the middle of nowhere... the nearest airport is (obviously) 9-70 hours away, as is the nearest hospital. there's not even a postal system where we are, so we've been asked to bring newspapers and magazines so that the people who work there full time can have some sort of connection with the outside world.  

while in madagascar i'll be volunteering with an organization called blue ventures. it's a marine conservation program, so we do a lot of research regarding fish/coral reef population and things of that nature. it's also a big fishing community, so we work with the villagers to teach them how to fish more sustainably. the best part of this trip is that most of our research is done underwater... so i'll be scuba diving 5 out of every 6 days i'm there!!! sting rays, sharks, dolphins... it's going to be incredible. we also live directly on the beach. it's basically the best research site ever.

now that the yucky parts of the predeparture process are mainly over, i am getting more and more excited to leave. finding travel/medevacuation insurance when you're not a full time student, have graves' disease, and will be scuba diving is quite the process. plus, the whole vaccine thing basically makes me feel faint just thinking about it. i only had to deal with 5 needles, which is less than i might have needed. i have already had the typhoid vaccine and lucky for me, there's a rabies vaccine shortage in the US! whoo! that one's a 3 shot process, so i was pretty happy about that. note to self: stay away from rabid animals while abroad.

but anyway, i can't wait to go! i'm excited to do something more than hanging out in dorms and taking classes that involve things like speaking norwegian, talking about madonna, learning how to learn, counting animal poop and making sex toys out of clay. (yup, all of those things have happened). i feel like i'm finally going to be doing something that matters. plus, it will be nice and toasty warm :)

i've gotta make my own luck. i've gotta find my own way. i've got to see that there is more to life than just existing. i wanna be living. it's gonna be a better day. --saving jane

the joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. --alexander "supertramp"